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“A creation of not willing” ~ Cynthia G. Creel
She listened intently her mind had a daily haze creating a difficulty to think, that she had learned to ignore. It was like having a slight sunburn, there reaching the corners of her mind, with a tipping point reached with even the slightest increase of pressure, pain to bring the thoughts to a point of awareness, knowing that she would need to do something to have a good ending to this true life story.
She continued the conversations and realized this person acted as if they had told her this information before. Suddenly the conversation was out of focus and the realization hit her like a ton of bricks falling upon her pinning her to the floor. The thought screamed at her, It is not them that can’t remember, it is me. I can’t remember what I have been told. It all fit together now, the extra weight, the loss of ability to read, to stay awake, to think, to remember, the inability to lead her children, inability to help her husband. To find the person she had lost along the way or to become the person she really should be.
The brain that had been creeping along suddenly sprinted ahead putting the pieces of the puzzle that she could remember together. She asked herself quickly, Am I turning into my grandmother? She remembered her grandmother at 60 starting to loose her memory and by 70 she was frying soap in the cast iron skillet because her mind knew she needed to cook and just couldn't remember all that was need to prepare the meal except something had to be in the pan and the pan had to be hot. Not even the stench the cooking soap being lifted into the air was enough to signal her brain that this was wrong, she needed to change something to create another out come. It was only because of her grandfather, that sanity came back in place. He took the soap off the stove, sat her down and said, “Everything will be alright.” As he fixed dinner, she could see on his face this is not the way it is suppose to be, the thoughts that crossed her grandfather’s face were so clear she could read them. This is not the girl I married. That girl is gone. How do I get her back?
Back in the reality of today, she finished the conversation and sat down in the nearest chair, thinking will my grandmother and I share the same fate. When she was growing up there were many discussions around the dinner table of the cause of her grandmother’s affliction. No diagnoses, just the assumption of Alzheimer’s, it must be, what else could it be? The discussion would revolve around how we could bring back the person we loved, the person trapped within her own body. The idea in the 70’s was on target, a build up was happening. Back then it talked about aluminum building up in the body from aluminum pans being used. The conclusion of the family was there was a cause that could correct this early death of the brain while the body lived, we didn't know how to correct it, we would try. Ultimately the family failed in the short run, yet the discussions stayed with her to think about and mull over and wonder why?
She realized her mind had placed her right back at the dining table with her family discussing her grandmother, the only difference was there was not one else to brain storm with. The difference was she had been looking for answers for the last 35 years, she knew there was one. The only question was would she be able to remember and be able to put all the pieces together to solve this mystery in time before she might not have a memory at all as her grandmother had ended up or to die too soon to correct it? She had too much to live for to die or not remember.
Of course, we should all know today after 3 years that mystery was solved and the knowledge that my family was most likely correct about what happened to my grandmother is a bitter sweet success. The best part is knowing why and how. The way to create who I should be was not easy, it started with a step onto the True Path of Health. Ultimately what the True Path of Health brings me is the ability to remember, solve and act, eventually building on each experience to bring me to a new height to share with others. To hopefully give them hope of change to new abilities of memories leading to new choices never even realized before.
Yes, at just 50, with 50 or 60 or even maybe 65 more years to live a healthy life, I was going to die and not even understand or remember why. I am sure others would have said if I had died, “She was so healthy, how could she be died?” or “She was doing so well until the last month or so then she didn’t look so good. I wonder why she didn't do anything to help herself?”
If this had been reality my answer might have been this: I was not willing. Not willing to understand what I must do to have the ability to remember. If we do not remember we are trapped into moving in circles, to view the same things over and over. If we choice to be willing we can move forward creating memories to base new better decisions on instead of the statues quo.
If we only look towards the professionals who care for us the answers may fall short. They may help in the short run taking a symptom away but never fixing the underlying problem. Currently they are using in trails spray insulin to help the brain to function. (1) Does this work yes, is it the answer in my opinion it is not the answer that helps create the person who they should have always been. The reality is most will stop their search for better answers if the main symptom is gone. We need to use all of our tools and see where that leads and yes it could mean using modern answers at first or if there is no modern medical answer something else must be found to bring things up to a new level of thinking.
Almost every time it is possible to change for the better when we take control over our lives and are willing to lead our lives to a better place. The moment I decided to change was the moment I became willing to change. The only question I have is how many others might travel this same path to become who they should have always been. I do hope there are many willing to change.
By Design ~ “Life is good By Design”
Photo by Cynthia G. Creel all rights reserved ©2013
Kitty looking and waiting. Hidden away. Will he be willing to change?.
2-25-2013
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Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of By Design or Cynthia G. Creel. Consultation of a medical professional is highly recommended before any changes are considered.
Source:
(1) http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/health/july-dec11/alzheimers_09-12.html
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