“Avoiding the perfect storm created by an imperfect life:
The olive branch created from Sandy Hook helps those left behind.”
~ Cynthia G. Creel
3-22-2013
My story:
When I grew up I had many pets that I loved dearly, unfortunately some died at my hand because I didn’t understand, the loss was only magnified by that fact. I would tell my friends about the loss and said they were sorry or that was so sad. It didn’t take long to realize they had moved on and I was still stuck with the feeling of loss. I knew only time and acceptance would help me I would think I will not make this same mistake again. I noticed others who had lost a pet would appreciate the condolence and stop talking or possibly even thinking about their pet. The understanding of the why helped me with an unchangeable fact, my pet was gone forever in life and would only live in my heart from that day forward.
Pets are there for us to understand, bonding, love and loss. Most of all, I think, they allow us to learn how to handle the unexpected, so we don’t fold when there is nothing we could have done or we missed an opportunity to prevent.
The facts:
Almost a month as passed and the forever loss of a small girl is still very real for her parents and sisters. Life is forever changed. This family who were one of the people who lost the most in the Sandy Hook Elementary school in Newton, Conn. shooting where their oldest daughter, Emily was killed spoke out on CBS This Morning (2). Emily’s parents Robbie and Alissa Parker met with Peter Lanza, the father of the Shooter Adam Lanza, as parent who both lost a child. Robbie Parker realized after the death of his child there was no changing the facts, something else would have to do, so an olive branch was spoken that prayers and thoughts for everyone including the shooter’s family were offered.
This olive branch was taken and an offer for The Parkers to find out answers only a father might know was created. The parkers were able to put their pain aside and think to of a way to help themselves move beyond the fact their daughter was never coming home. They choose a way that didn’t call for some one to pay a price, to punish, but to move forward. What came for one statement of hope right after the tragedy came an opportunity to grow pass the loss and meet with the father of Adam Lanaz, Peter Lanza. Out of the hour long meeting came some understanding and a message giving that there was hope and opportunity to learn. That in helping themselves it also gave an opportunity for a dad, who’s son had created such tragedy to reach out and with someone else, someone who had lost so much on that day also. Alissa Parker voiced an opinion that the parents had a responsibility for their sons actions and there was no way for her to understand the dynamics of the family to understand what went so wrong.
Growth:
In life sometimes we can do everything right and still end up with the short end of the stick. The Parkers just sent there little girl to school expecting her to come back home that afternoon. The moment this tragedy unfolded and it seems like the Parkers understood there was no changing what happened and made the best of a horrible situation. These two sets of parents were able to have an intelligent conversation (3) to help move both forward to remember the past while moving into the future together. This is a way of thinking that can only come from a person who is meek, one who does not anger easily. It took one statement to start the conversation and did the facts change of the loss, no. What did change was the feeling of the ones who lost the most their children so they could live on without one there.
The Parkers and Peter Lanza may never have all the answers of the why. I do not know what conversation they had, it was private. What I do know is if we understand what happens in life we can not change the past, the understanding gives us a change to prevent tragedy in the future to avoid the pain of having to try to understand.
In an article I wrote previously, “Over the top kills many in two months.” (1) I reported about facts that surround the shootings all about the same time as Sandy Hook. That my thought if a family did not understand the dynamics of what affects a person like the effects of having low levels of vitamin D3, high blood pressure, or high consumption of sweeteners could create a perfect storm that a person and others can pay the largest price for the death of a person.
A parent that doesn’t understand how to protect themselves or to help their child is a parent at risk, it could be any child or any family. The end results can be a formation of a deep depression that can end up being focused on the outside world. The saddest part is many times depression can be prevented by caring for the bodies and minds needs by simply seeing a doctor, knowing if the levels of vitamin D3 are optimal though a blood test and correcting the levels under a doctors care. Or any number of signs that show something building. The answers just might be there in front of a parent hidden from view because they don’t know what to ask for and don’t know how to fix what is hidden or seen.
The worst happens and the child’s tipping point is reached with the decision to act out by murdering others to send a message to all to see and hear. Usually angry suicidal depressed person acts out to create this tragedy. On CBS This Morning the author of Columbine, Dave Cullen (6) reports that 61% of attackers in the recent past mass murders had feelings of extreme depression or desperation and were suicidal. Cullen descries on a youtube video Why Columbine? NY Times bestseller summarizes killers' motives for Columbine shooting (5) that the act of mass murder as “a slow evolution” and not to rush the healing, those who did the best after the tragedy from Columbine forgave the killers the quickest. The healing takes time, it can’t be rushed.
Final thoughts:
There are no winners, the ones who lost were those who lost someone or who lost their lives. The adults, the children and the shooter(s) were all part of the perfect storm that no one saw coming or knew how to stop. The loss of a child for each parent was great, the olive branch that was extended and held by both, didn’t rush the healing, it was part of the healing. We can not change the past we can only learn from it. Maybe anger is a common answer, yet I think the best answer is we must move accept what is not changeable and to find, if possible, the reason why. Or will the “madness of tomorrows” continue?.
Possibly the best way of preventing the “madness of tomorrows” is to help create the ability to have intelligent conversations of the meek (not angered easily), to step onto the path of True Health, to make choices that help and not hurt. To vote with every dollar spent to shape the world we want to live in. The more we can help ourselves to have intelligent conversations the more we can help others help themselves to do the same. We are in this together no matter what happens.
By Design ~ “Life is good By Design”
Photo creation by Cynthia G. Creel all rights reserved ©2013
3-8-2013 all rights reserved ©2013 written permission is needed to duplicate
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of By Design or Cynthia G. Creel. Consultation of a medical professional is highly recommended before any changes are considered. This article is not saying anyone person in a leadership position is unhealthy or healthy, it is just a possibly of many and is only speaking in general terms. .
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Sources:
(1) http://lifeisgoodbydesign.blogspot.com/2013/02/over-top-kills-many-in-two-months.html
(2) http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505263_162-57575756/newtown-victims-parents-do-they-blame-shooters-parents/
(3) http://lifeisgoodbydesign.blogspot.com/2013/03/intelligent-conversation-can-save.html
(4) http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-270_162-4929050.html
(5) http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=EA22SKaQ5hU#!
(6) http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50137350n
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